Everything's Funny To Someone.
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Friday, January 28, 2005 Doughynutts Is it passe to eat a whole doughnut these days? Even the guys in my office are cutting them in half. By the end of the day it's a doughnut massacre. posted by ben | 8:41 AM | (0) comments Wednesday, January 26, 2005 Meltdown "I can format your Word document. I can do things with Excel you've only read about in magazines. I can write correspondence that can be published in The New Yorker. But I have a college education, so I refuse to get you coffee." "What's your degree in?" [pause] "Theatre." "Two sugars, please." "Dammit!" posted by ben | 8:27 AM | (0) comments Friday, January 14, 2005 Get Fat My sugar-free gum package advertises itself as "not for weight control", while my package of Red Vines proudly proclaims that it is "always fat free!" Always Fat Free. Are they worried that their customers might sometime down the line accuse them of putting fat in the licorice? posted by ben | 1:04 PM | (0) comments The End Is Nigh By pure coincidence, I just happen to glance at my odometer this morning on my way in to work, and watched it roll over to 90,000 miles. Which means that my car is about to die. Not because it's got 190 or 290 thousand miles on its tired chassis, but because coincidences have ruled my life as of late, and if the past has taught me anything, it's time to start looking for a new car. See, a few years ago I was driving my tired Mazda to work one morning and happened to glance down at the odometer and saw it turn over to 70,000. I thought that was cool, so I pulled over into the Renton Library parking lot and took a picture of it. Less than a month later, I was on the side of the road with a broken car and a blue haired date in the passenger seat. This tells me that the goose's days are numbered. I'll keep y'all posted. posted by ben | 8:31 AM | (0) comments Wednesday, January 12, 2005 Silly Consumer Groups, Trix Are For Kids This story tells of Kraft Foods' attempts to curb their marketing of unhealthy snacks towards kids, which is a noble effort seeing as how kids are the primary reason unhealthy snacks exist. But then there's a pull quote like this: The new marketing program comes as food companies are facing rising criticism from some consumer groups and others that they are contributing to obesity in children. Should we blame the makers of the snack foods, or should we blame the parents who buy and allow their fat kids to eat a box of Oreos while watching seven hours of TV a day? I'm not saying that seven hours of TV and a box of Oreos is bad, not at all. But when you get your kid that PS2 or SpongeBob DVD set for Christmas, get them a bicycle or a skateboard too and force them to use it. Perhaps I'm just weird, but when I see a little fat kid, I don't get angry at Kraft Foods. Well, I don't get angry at all, actually. That'd be just silly. I do, however, laugh at the parents who don't want to take responsibility for the health of their child. Whatever, yo. Update: The Seattle PI carried this story which has this very peculiar closing paragraph: Kraft won't cease all advertising of fatty, sugary products such as Lunchables and Pebbles cereal, however -- TV ads for such products will still be seen during adult and family shows such as "According to Jim." Because when I think of "fat", I think of Jim Belushi. posted by ben | 8:57 AM | (0) comments Mud Slide Meyhem From NPR news: Meanwhile in California, rescuers are using axes and chainsaws to look for survivors in the La Conchita mudslide... Axes and chainsaws? "Hey, over here! I've found one! Though the mudslide seems to have ripped a giant, grisly gash in their chest, just like that other one I found." If I'm ever buried in a landslide, before you ripcord the chainsaw alive try looking for me with a flashlight and some dogs, eh? posted by ben | 7:35 AM | (0) comments Tuesday, January 04, 2005 What the-? "This is Ben." "Ben, what time is your boss's meeting with Ms. Big-Wig across the hall?" "Nine o'clock." "Great, I'll prepare the agenda and bring it up to your boss's assistant." "Excellent." "You? Okay, bye." [click] "What? Wait, I-" posted by ben | 8:05 AM | (0) comments Monday, January 03, 2005 Off Guard I thought I was pretty quick, but this one caught me by surprise. co-worker: [to other co-worker] Hey, I haven't seen you all year! me: [internally] Wow, has it been that long? I thought they- oh, wait a minute. posted by ben | 2:04 PM | (0) comments Sunday, January 02, 2005 Slimy Babies Picked up a bag of baby, excuse me, mini carrots recently. I tried to get the non-slimy kind, but it's so hard to tell when the bag's wet. Ah well... posted by ben | 4:24 PM | (0) comments |
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