Everything's Funny To Someone.
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| Write That Down Everything's Funny To Someone. |
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Thursday, May 30, 2002 I appear to have the unintentional talent of dropping something and having it dissappear into thin air. posted by ben | 5:19 PM | (0) comments Heard this joke Tuesday and it didn't elicit much reaction. I remembered it again last night and it sent me into a giggling fit. Probably because my French books are collecting dust. What do you call someone who speaks four languages? Quadralingual. Three languages? Trilingual Two languages? Bilingual And what do you call someone who only speaks one language? American. posted by ben | 9:57 AM | (0) comments Wednesday, May 29, 2002 After a wicked coughing fit (due to inhaling water, go figure), one feels a little weak, like a war had just been fought. Drained as though after an argument. Silly because it wasn’t that much water to begin with. posted by ben | 9:21 AM | (0) comments Tuesday, May 28, 2002 I pass by an intersection near the Denny regrade every morning, and every morning there’s a different homeless person with a cardboard sign asking for help. I’m left to believe that there’s a homeless pimp somewhere taking 50%. posted by ben | 9:45 AM | (0) comments Thursday, May 23, 2002 Buying airline tickets feels like swimming with alligators with people who can swim better than you. At the end of the race, I lost an arm and a leg while the guy sitting next to me just needed stitches. posted by ben | 11:28 AM | (0) comments Wednesday, May 22, 2002 It's surprising how sitting at a computer for 8+ hours a day can be so goddamn exhausting. posted by ben | 2:58 PM | (0) comments This just in: Recession in Antarctica prompts iceburg to secede. posted by ben | 12:12 PM | (0) comments Tuesday, May 21, 2002 Going to the doctor's is like taking your car to the mechanic. All I wanted was a tune-up and diagnostic, and all of a sudden they're telling me my fuel pump is bad. Good thing I've got that extended warranty. posted by ben | 1:53 PM | (0) comments Monday, May 20, 2002 I'm doing this! posted by ben | 11:13 AM | (0) comments Friday, May 17, 2002 I had a car once. A late-70's Mazda wagon. Blue with a white racing stripe. Engine smaller than some Harley Davidson powerhouses. I loved that car. I killed that car. Driving to the movies one night I noticed it was running a little hot. But we were going to be late to the movie. I killed my car. posted by ben | 12:46 PM | (0) comments Thursday, May 16, 2002 Listen, it's spelled "interesting". Not "inneresting" or "innerested". It forks on the chalkboard for me when someone leaves off the "t". posted by ben | 12:26 PM | (0) comments Wednesday, May 15, 2002 San Francisco was hit with an earthquake earlier this week. Oregon had a couple today. Seattle's next. Brace yourself. posted by ben | 3:06 PM | (0) comments Monday, May 13, 2002 Conversation a few years ago: me: We here in Seattle have your basic American dialect. In a word: boring. Nothing unique about it. We’re what other dialects are measured against, because we have no signifying features, aside from the fact that there are none. We’re a placebo dialect. Someone else: That’s not true. Everybody thinks that about their own dialect. Someone from Georgia would say the same thing. Same with someone from Fargo or New England. They all think that they speak normally while everyone else has a “dialect” and talks funny. It’s all perspective. me: Hm. That makes sense, I guess. Conversation last night: Someone else: Here in Seattle, there is no dialect. me: It’s all about perspective. Someone from New York would think the same thing. Someone else: Huh-uh! That is NOT true. [implied context: this someone else is from New York] me: Good grief. posted by ben | 3:48 PM | (0) comments I actually enjoy riding my scooter in the rain. And if I keep telling myself that, I'll start to believe it. posted by ben | 3:15 PM | (0) comments Only in the workplace is it acceptable to eat cake for breakfast. posted by ben | 11:30 AM | (0) comments Friday, May 10, 2002 You know what they say: Warm hands, cold heart. posted by ben | 3:12 PM | (0) comments Thursday, May 09, 2002 Taking the concept of blaming it on the dog to a whole new level. posted by ben | 4:53 PM | (0) comments Am I obliged to acknowledge a co-worker every time I see them? Passing in the hall or getting coffee, if I've already said "hi" three times today, am I considered inconsiderate if I don't greet them again? posted by ben | 4:24 PM | (0) comments Wednesday, May 08, 2002 When life gives you dilemmas, you make dilemmonade. posted by ben | 1:55 PM | (0) comments Tuesday, May 07, 2002 My blood type is A-plus! posted by ben | 3:26 PM | (0) comments Friday, May 03, 2002 When most people tell jokes, others laugh. When I tell jokes, others do vocal rim-shots. Perhaps I should play Vaudeville. posted by ben | 1:44 PM | (0) comments Thursday, May 02, 2002 I can't take credit for this. Yassir Arafat emerged from his compound today... ...saw his shadow and predicted six more months of war. posted by ben | 5:03 PM | (0) comments This just in - Scientists play god with rats, revoke free will. Film at 11. posted by ben | 11:38 AM | (0) comments Wednesday, May 01, 2002 How do they get the fortune inside the cookie? posted by ben | 2:49 PM | (0) comments You know, when Bob Hope wasn't reading dumb jokes off of cue cards or feeling up Angie Dickinson, he was really funny. posted by ben | 12:29 PM | (0) comments |
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