Everything's Funny To Someone.
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Friday, January 30, 2004 File Under "Duh!" "President" Bush declines to back an independent probe into pre-war Iraq intelligence. And the baby birds chirped with gaping maw, but mommy bird never came home. posted by ben | 4:07 PM | (0) comments Winds of Change This guy's got a story to tell. posted by ben | 3:26 PM | (0) comments Thursday, January 29, 2004 Annoyance Web pages that automatically resize your window. Grrr... posted by ben | 12:15 PM | (0) comments Eat It Ever stop to cogitate on what a strange word "food" is? It sounds like an Elizabethan insult. "Do you say 'food' to me, sir?" "I do not say 'food' to you, sir, but I do say 'food'." posted by ben | 10:59 AM | (0) comments Wednesday, January 28, 2004 Spin That A Little More Tacoma taxpayers to foot a $42 millon bill for larger dressing rooms for rock stars. posted by ben | 4:07 PM | (0) comments Cable 2.0 Ultra Wideband: Not just underwear for fat guys anymore. posted by ben | 3:56 PM | (0) comments If you're walking down a long hallway at work, and you see a co-worker at the other end walking towards you, how soon do you get before you say hello, or acknowledge them in any way? Likewise, if it's someone who you don't really know - like maybe they work in IT and you've never had any computer problems, and you're walking towards each other - when do you acknowledge? Or, do you just ignore them completely? Or do you stare them down? I hate awkwardly minute socal occurences. posted by ben | 3:41 PM | (0) comments I live in a very earthquake-prone region, but I'm not afraid of earthquakes at all. If I were, I'd never use the bathroom. posted by ben | 10:51 AM | (0) comments Sunday, January 25, 2004 Stupid Job So I'm cat sitting for Sven, and what has caused me the most consternation this weekend has been "what do I watch first?" I just want to hang out and screen every single DVD on his shelves, but unfortunately I have a job I have to go to come Monday. Plus, I think Sven might get a little tired of me living in his basement, but oh well. There's DVDs to watch after all. oh, and p.s. to Sven: unwrap the Looney Tunes one, fer pete's sake. Seeing that still in the cellophane is like finding the doors locked to a store advertising free candy. posted by ben | 10:34 AM | (0) comments Friday, January 23, 2004 Parking Is Such Sweet Sorrow Dear City of Seattle, I understand that parking meter revenue is quite substantial, coming in at around $10 million annually, and with Mayor Nickels' proposed meter increase from $1.00 per hour to $1.50 per hour (after the city spends $10.3 million for new electronic meters, that is), the estimated revenue will be just shy of the annual parking violation revenue of $12 million. Seattle takes in somewhere around twenty-two million dollars annually from street parking. An important source of revenue, absolutely. As a car owner who regularly parks downtown and in the viscinity, I am conscious of always having quarters to pay the meter. There have been times, however, that I have not had the proper change and have tried to cheat the system. Sometimes I get away, sometimes I get caught. When I get caught, I pay the fine. Thirty-five dollars may seem a little steep as punishment for not having an extra quarter on me, but I can deal. I wouldn't want to deprive my fair city of its twenty two million dollars, after all. However, unlike a majority of Seattle's downtown automobile commuters, I use alternate modes of transportation more than I drive. I ride Metro regularly, and I also own a moped that I use to commute to and from my downtown office. It is the moped which I would like to discuss today. In case you are unfamiliar with what a moped is - and judging by how difficult it is to find parking regulations for them on your website - let me refresh your memory. A moped is a gas or electric powered two wheeled vehicle with an engine no larger than 50ccs and a top speed of no more than 30 miles per hour on level ground. A valid driver's license is needed to operate one, but they are not considered motorcycles as no motorcycle endorsement is required. My particular moped gets an average of about 80 miles per gallon and is an insignificant contributor to our area's pollution woes. I cannot say the same for the large diesel Metro bus I ride to work, but that's off topic. I purchased this moped for economic, environmental, and political reasons. I also purchased it because I live and work in a city where parking is either unavailable or cost prohibitive. And at first it was great. I would arrive at work and, along with other moped owners, park next to the bike racks in the center plaza. It was uplifting to see so many alternative methods of transportation being utilized by so many people. Soonafter, because of older model mopeds leaking oil and staining the concrete, the property managment company which owns the plaza prohibited gas powered vehicles. As it is a privately owned public space, we obliged. So I - along with a handful of others - had to find street parking to put our economically friendly modes of transportation during the work day. And this is where my complaint arises. I would like to know from you, the City of Seattle, where it is legal to park my moped. I do not park on the sidewalk as it is a dangerous obstruction to pedestrians. I do not park in metered spots as I am then at the mercy of disgruntled automobile drivers, angry that my small moped has taken such a large parking spot. It doesn't take a lot for an SUV to inflict spiteful damage. I also do not park in designated motorcycle only metered spots as there are none in the viscinity of my office building. Therefore, I park perpendicular to the curb, outside of marked automobile parking spots. As I also own and drive a car and am familiar with the troubles of parallel parking, I do not park in such a way as to impede the entrance or egress of a car from a marked metered spot. This isn't to say that accidents have not occured. In the two-plus years I have owned my moped, it has been knocked over twice by inattentive drivers. I take risks parking where I do, but I see it as my only option if I want to continue commuting in such a manner. However, my moped has been ticketed twice for a total of seventy dollars in fines. The most recent fine came as I was parked in a spot that I had previously parked in for over a year and was never ticketed, although cars around me were fined for exceeding the time limit on the meter. During the same day I received this second ticket, a moped was parked in the exact spot where I was first ticketed. However, there was no violation rubber banded to its handlebar. I found this personally insulting, as it tells me that even parking enforcement officials do not know moped parking regulations and I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I will not contest this violation, however, as it is less expensive for me to pay the fine than it would be were I to take time off of work to attend a hearing in the courthouse. Enclosed, please find a personal check for thirty-five dollars as well as the rain-soaked parking violation. Yours, Benjamin David Seattle taxpayer since 1994 p.s. I saw Mayor Nickels' chauffer recently and told him to extend my regards. posted by ben | 3:48 PM | (0) comments Ran into a co-worker at the local market while getting lunch. co-worker: I was thinking of you in the elevator. me: Really? I think of me in the elevator too, isn't that weird? posted by ben | 1:22 PM | (0) comments Thursday, January 22, 2004 Lost In Syndication The site feed is now live, whatever the hell that means. posted by ben | 9:28 PM | (0) comments There's an ad campaign around town pressuring cell phone users to "lock" their keypads, so they don't accidentally dial 911. "Lock your keypad to free us up," it states. A noble sentiment, though misleading. On most cell phones, the only sequence of keys that will unlock a keypad aside from the pre-assigned unlock sequence is "911". posted by ben | 9:42 AM | (0) comments Wednesday, January 21, 2004 In S/R me: So I've got the DOT traffic cameras bookmarked. Can I borrow a phillips head? s/r guy: Here you go. Bookmarked, huh? me: Yeah, I check 'em out every once in awhile. Thanks. s/r guy: See anything interesting? Welcome. me: Sometimes you'll get lucky and there will be an accident on one, but that's pretty rare. I'll bring this back soon. s/r guy: I've heard that one before. me: You can trust me. s/r guy: I've heard that one too. posted by ben | 10:34 AM | (0) comments Tuesday, January 20, 2004 Palabra Alta Not often heard in the corporate world. "What's up with your bad self?" "You know, keeping it real." "Word." posted by ben | 5:03 PM | (0) comments Friday, January 16, 2004 Marsulting "...and the lander you rode in on!" posted by ben | 2:34 PM | (0) comments Get Thee To A Brewery So it's almost ten in the morning on Friday. I'm sitting at my desk at work, sucking on a Starbucks holiday cup*1 ("those cups are so passe") and I get a slight whiff of stale beer. Keep in mind I'm no stranger to the stale beer smell. I went to college you know, so I thought nothing of it at first. But I shouldn't be smelling this in the office, and once my lazy brain made that connection I became a little concerned. Why the hell do I smell stale beer? I asked myself. I started looking around for beer stains on the carpet, thinking maybe the overnight janitorial staff had a kegger in cubicle 1028A1. Then I took a whiff of my sweatshirt and was almost knocked over by the smell of old Fat Tire. So, important lesson learned: Don't take the recycling out to the curb while wearing the same clothes you're planning on wearing to work. *1 Purchased with a Starbucks card given to me by my employer, so back off. posted by ben | 10:03 AM | (0) comments Thursday, January 15, 2004 Moray Support So Keisha Castle-Hughes received a Screen Actors Guild nomination for outstanding supporting actress for "Whale Rider". Supporting actress? I'm sorry, if you're the only one on the poster, as well as the narrator and title character of a film, you are not a "supporting" actress. Perhaps I just don't understand the politics. posted by ben | 4:14 PM | (0) comments I Had No Idea This Even Existed Cow brain burgers still being sold despite mad cow warnings. posted by ben | 4:07 PM | (0) comments Stores and restaurants (cafes, mainly) that don't take debit or credit cards annoy me in the same way that people who don't own cell phones do. posted by ben | 1:05 PM | (0) comments Bwahahaha! Streakers in restaurant watch as their car is stolen. posted by ben | 1:04 PM | (0) comments Dirty Dave's There are three pregnant women on my floor. Looks like Dave from Accounting is making the rounds. posted by ben | 9:57 AM | (0) comments Wednesday, January 14, 2004 Elevator Comedy, Part 5 co-worker: Oh, Ben, I didn't recognize you. me: I'm not myself in the morning. posted by ben | 10:13 AM | (0) comments Tuesday, January 13, 2004 Elmer Seasoning In the kitchen. One of the executive admins is laying out leftovers from a board meeting luncheon. I spoon up some rice and vegetables, then start poking around a tray of meat, trying to decide what it is. "Is this chicken?" I ask her. "It's duck," she says. "Duck?!" "Have you had duck before?" she asks. "Once, awhile ago," I say, poking around the cooked and quartered duck bits. "It wasn't that bad, actually. There's just something weird about knowing you're eating a duck." "I know," she says. "Why is that?" "Dunno." "Have you had lamb?" she asks me. "Yes, but it's not something I go after, y'know? It's not like I look at a menu and go, 'ooh, lamb!'" "Right," she says. "Oh well," I say as I spoon a couple of duck chunks into my bowl, "at least it's not cow." posted by ben | 1:27 PM | (0) comments Friday, January 09, 2004 My Vocabulary Is Awethome! To co-worker: "I mis-labelled Kirkland on this map. Yeah, you can see where I ripped off the, uh, little piece of...thing." posted by ben | 2:56 PM | (0) comments Thursday, January 08, 2004 Annoyance; Number 231-d People who list their pets on greeting cards. posted by ben | 3:05 PM | (0) comments Tuesday, January 06, 2004 Seattle is the only city where you can get one inch of snow and consider yourself "snowed in". posted by ben | 12:59 PM | (0) comments Monday, January 05, 2004 She's Still Available, Guys So little miss pop star "didn't fully understand what she was doing" when she married a "childhood friend" last weekend in Las Vegas. I'm sorry, "didn't fully understand"? What's not to fully understand? Wedding chapel, marriage license (which, by the way, they had to go out of their way to get), Elvis (uncomfirmed). Says Vegas wedding all over. Either she was so completely drunk at 5:30 in the morning she "didn't fully understand" what she meant when she said, "I Do," or she's about as smart as her music is original. posted by ben | 1:43 PM | (0) comments |
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