Everything's Funny To Someone.
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| Write That Down Everything's Funny To Someone. |
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Thursday, August 28, 2003 Lesson Learned in Vegas, part one A 44 oz. margarita, though containing only 3-4 oz of alcohol, is still 44 oz of liquid sloshing around in your belly. posted by ben | 4:39 PM | (0) comments Wednesday, August 20, 2003 Viral Infection I never opened up those attachments, I swear to god. I've deleted about two hundred of those dang messages, and now I'm starting to get messages from domain servers saying "your message: Re: Thank You!" did not reach destination" or "Your message is in violation of our virus security protocol". Argh! It's not me. I didn't open them up. I've been deleting them! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! posted by ben | 12:13 PM | (0) comments Tuesday, August 19, 2003 me: I'm deep in contemplative thought. not me: Oh yeah. me: Yeah. Problem is I think in French. not me: That sounds pretty cool. me: It is cool, but I don't speak French so I have no idea what I'm thinking. posted by ben | 12:52 PM | (0) comments Rules of the Forest, part one If you're going to lean up against a tree, make sure it's not covered in ants first. posted by ben | 12:31 AM | (0) comments Monday, August 18, 2003 Three Words And then she said them. Those three little words no guy wants to hear. Three words that strike fear into the hearts of many. "I'm gonna puke." posted by ben | 12:51 PM | (0) comments Different Culture Completely It's 10:30am Monday. I'm still slug-eyed and sucking coffee while somebody in the office has already popped a bag of microwave popcorn. It smells like a freakin' movie theater now. posted by ben | 10:35 AM | (0) comments Saturday, August 16, 2003 A Confession I once started the dryer without transferring my wet clothes from the washer first. I didn't realize this until I went back to the dryer after the cycle was done and thought somebody stole my clothes. posted by ben | 8:25 PM | (0) comments Stripper sues paper, denies having sex with Ben Affleck She's got a rep to maintain, you know. posted by ben | 10:04 AM | (0) comments Thursday, August 14, 2003 If modern action movies have taught me anything, it's that the real cause of today's New York blackout is a diamond heist. A diamond heist that will be thwarted by a do-gooder ex-cop martial arts master dash scofflaw who will bring the perps to justice, but take a small percentage of the diamonds with him to Rio and live happily ever after. posted by ben | 4:43 PM | (0) comments Tuesday, August 12, 2003 Triple Entendre During a news story on the Lusty Lady strip club, an interviewed dancer said the economic bust made business hard. posted by ben | 12:40 PM | (0) comments Monday, August 11, 2003 Ooohh...on the BL Dream tip We all have dreams (speaking of) where we're all "it was my house, but it wasn't my house, and there were people there who were my friends, but they weren't my friends" etc. etc. This just leads me to believe that we dream about events happening years in the future, recalling them during bouts of deja vu. Four to five years ago, maybe more but at least, I dreamt I was in a strange house, sitting on a futon with a blonde and a brunette, who were as-yet-uknown-to-me, while a baby played with some baby toys near a coffee table. The room was full of strangers having wine and conversation. I felt completely relaxed, because I knew where I was and who I was with. Upon waking, however, the scene seemed completely unreal as I'd never been in the house before, nor had I ever before met my dream "friends". Saturday night, a strong sense of deja vu washed over me as I relaxed on the futon-couch at Drooping Acres with sjet and ojd's ma. Lasting for only a moment, the fuzzy recall ended once I announced the deja vu. In another dimension, a younger sleeping me had just woken up from that "dream", shrugged it off, then fell back asleep. posted by ben | 2:44 PM | (0) comments Sunday, August 10, 2003 If I occasionally smell natural gas downstairs, would it be unwise to light a candle to get rid of the musty basement smell? It's not a lot of gas, and it's not all the time, mind. Just a little occasionally. Or should I worry about flashover? posted by ben | 10:52 PM | (0) comments Domestic abuse is a misdemeanor while killing a kitten is a felony. Nothing wrong with that. posted by ben | 6:14 PM | (0) comments Friday, August 08, 2003 Timing Is Everything Of course I have to go home early to wait for the insurance adjuster and cable guy the day this happens right across the street from my freaking work. Puh. posted by ben | 9:54 AM | (0) comments Thursday, August 07, 2003 [note: I wrote this two days ago, but have been having publishing problems.] Race For The Gubment Anybody out there who's not running for Governor of California, please raise your hand. The current list of candidates looks like the basis of some FOX reality TV show, each week someone gets voted off and the last one remaining gets to handle California's $38 Billion deficit. Let's see, we have Arnold Schwarzenegger, Larry Flint, Gary Coleman, Arianna Huffington, and rumor has it comedian Gallagher is gathering signatures (undetermined). Jerry Springer has already been voted off, once the rest of the house realized all he wanted was a senate seat...in OHIO of all places. I mean, come on. Ohio? posted by ben | 9:43 AM | (0) comments Monday, August 04, 2003 Moved a box in my office yesterday and a spider the size of South Carolina started rumbling across the floor, rattling the cupboards. I jumped back a little bit, yelled "Jesus Christ!" and went to step on it, then paused. I wasn't quite sure stepping on it would kill it. posted by ben | 1:45 PM | (0) comments Friday, August 01, 2003 Australian co-worker was at my desk looking through my binoculars when I got back from lunch. "Hay, Been. Just pinchin' your knockies." posted by ben | 4:58 PM | (0) comments Lots of SeaFair activity in the air today (Blue Angels practicing, Marine prop planes buzzing my office building, etc...), and I spy with my binoculars some guy sitting on the crest of the Seahawk Stadium roof arches (on the left side in this shot, but you can't see him) eating his lunch and just enjoying the show. posted by ben | 12:12 PM | (0) comments |
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