Everything's Funny To Someone.
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Friday, June 27, 2003 Friday Humor male co-worker: I see you forgot your badge today. female co-worker: Yeah. It's something every morning this week, seems. Yesterday the dead squirrel. Today the badge. me: What, you grabbed a dead squirrel yesterday instead of your badge? female co-worker: Yeah, surprisingly enough it actually opened the doors. co-worker: How'd Tacoma get light rail? me: They found it. co-worker: Just started digging and whoops! Light rail! me: Yeah, turns out the Aztecs came up from Machu Picchu and installed it in the late 1800s. co-worker: Aztecs weren't in Machu Picchu, that was the Incas. me: They didn't install light rail in Tacoma either, but you bought that part of the story okay, didn't you? posted by ben | 4:57 PM | (0) comments For the Seattle crowd Remember when Ken Schram used to be an "Almost Live!" punchline? He's actually pretty cool. posted by ben | 4:06 PM | (0) comments Thursday, June 26, 2003 Back from the Stone Ages So I called up a local cable/internet provider. Beginning mid-July, Mr. House is going to be very well-equipped indeed with high speed broadband internet access (the aircraft carrier is thirsty for some i-seas) and a basic cable package (hello channel thirteen and the first new Simpsons episode I will have seen in three years). The downside of all this? I'll never leave home again. posted by ben | 3:29 PM | (0) comments Tuesday, June 24, 2003 Message in a Bottle "Ben, this is Josef. I'm looking for a specific CD that I think I loaned to you. It's Mahler 5. Mahler's Fifth Symphony, conducted by Herbert von Karajan with the Berlin Philharmonic. [pause] "It's got a rainbow on the front." posted by ben | 9:24 AM | (0) comments Monday, June 23, 2003 By the coffee co-worker: [holding cup in front of her] Hey benlau. me: Hey, co-worker. [glancing down at cup] More coffee, huh? co-worker: Notice anything else when you look down there? me: Aw, come on. That's unfair. I was just looking at the coffee, honest, not your- oh, hey, a wedding ring! Holy crap! Congratulations. co-worker: Thanks. posted by ben | 2:28 PM | (0) comments Bees! Bees! Bees! Bees! posted by ben | 11:18 AM | (0) comments Friday, June 20, 2003 Another fun fact! When sheep eat poison, they die. Science! posted by ben | 3:07 PM | (0) comments I've always been jealous of those who can make words out of their phone numbers. Like "just call area code XXX-672-5326, or XXX-MR CLEAN." All my phone numbers have either had a 1 or 0 in them. My current one has two zeros for pete's sake. I'm sure the phone company is laughing at that one. posted by ben | 11:11 AM | (0) comments Tuesday, June 17, 2003 Marshall Justice Man chases robbery suspects in Hummer, uses vehicle to destroy car. My favorite part of the story? The name of the company that was robbed was "Mr. Insurance". posted by ben | 10:43 AM | (0) comments Monday, June 16, 2003 Molly challenged me to name three Supreme Court justices. I named two current ones and one dead one. For the next hour and ten after that (throughout the duration of the play we were watching) all I could think of was how could I forget about Ruth Bader Ginsburg? posted by ben | 4:11 PM | (0) comments I want to see this movie now. I don't care if it doesn't stick true to the comic or if the CGI is obviously CGI - it actually sounds like an interesting film as far as filmmaking goes. posted by ben | 2:55 PM | (0) comments "I've been doing chores all day and am not feeling well, hence my slackluster appearance." posted by ben | 1:28 PM | (0) comments Thursday, June 12, 2003 Typical Me me: What's in here? Suzie: Cake. me: What's the occasion? Suzie: Mary's shower. me: Ah, she's finally showering, huh? posted by ben | 4:44 PM | (0) comments At an all tenant meeting this morning: her: We have four or five pregnant women in our office, which is why I ask. someone: Wow. her: Yeah. Don't drink our water. me: Don't visit Dave in Accounting, either. Nobody seemed to think that was funny. posted by ben | 1:56 PM | (0) comments Wednesday, June 11, 2003 I think I would do it all over again if I had to, but only if I could know then what I know now. posted by ben | 12:01 PM | (0) comments Tuesday, June 10, 2003 From the Bad Star Wars Joke dept. George Lucas is planning on writing into Episode Three an ambitious female Sith Knight character. Ella Vader. Going up? posted by ben | 1:03 PM | (0) comments I like the misty air. It's like being in extremely humid heat except you're not miserable and it can't kill you. posted by ben | 10:14 AM | (0) comments Monday, June 09, 2003 me: Hey Stacey. Stacey: Hey. [pause] What's the matter? me: Should I ask if she's pregnant? What if she's not? She's likely to smack me. Or she could quietly sulk away without saying anything. That'll be awkward. Jeeze, what if I make her cry? What a Monday this has turned out to be. Okay, don't ask if she's pregnant, she might just be wearing a smaller shirt than usual. In fact, don't say anything at all. Yeah, that's a good policy. Don't say anything. Stacey: benlau? me: Oh, I-uh...I have something in my ear. Stacey: Okay, well, hope you feel better. me: Yeah, me too. Stacey: 'k. Bye. me: phew! posted by ben | 2:00 PM | (0) comments I seem to have built up a reputation here at work, as I've just been accused of coming in early when I was caught at my desk at 8:45am. I'm also considered "staying late" by my co-workers if I'm here after five. posted by ben | 9:38 AM | (0) comments Friday, June 06, 2003 I'm a pro dogs-on-the-furniture kind of guy, no matter how big they are. Visited a friend and had the hardest time saying no to the dog every time she put her paws on the couch. What can I say? I'm a dog person. Was house sitting for my sister once, and allowed the dog to sleep at the foot of the bed at night (whether it was allowed or not, I can't remember). Laying there one night in this quasi-seedy north end neighborhood, reading a Stephen King book, the dog - up until now quietly sleeping by my feet - suddenly lifts his head up, perks his ears, and starts growling in an extremely low register. He's staring at the door leading to the garage vibrating with intensity and I'm frozen solid. Burglar? Ghost? Pink Cadillac?* He then turns to look at me, as if saying "don't you smell that?" I shrug my shoulders. He turns back to the door, gives one final huff and lays his head back down. I, however, put the book away and turn on all electrical appliances in the house for at least an hour. *They're all Whoopi Goldberg movies posted by ben | 4:06 PM | (0) comments Tuesday, June 03, 2003 From the Not Quite The Illuminati dept. me: Hey, there was a protest downtown today, did you know that? roommate: There was? me: Yeah, it's on TV right now. roommate: What were they protesting this time? me: I don't know. Maybe how oppressive the sun is, or something. roommate: Well it was pretty warm today. posted by ben | 1:25 PM | (0) comments Monday, June 02, 2003 I'd rather it were one of those "It's already 3:30pm" days as opposed to the "It's only 3:30pm" of today. posted by ben | 3:31 PM | (0) comments |
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