Everything's Funny To Someone.
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| Write That Down Everything's Funny To Someone. |
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Monday, April 29, 2002 There are some Hollywood-themed restaurants that name their dishes after celebrities. I usually hate these places because you never know if the George Cloony here is similar to the George Cloony in that snazzy new joint across town, or if it’s more likable to the Kevin Bacon. “Yes, I’d like an extra creepy Linda Blair, please, side of Matt Damon and a large Kirsten Dunst to go.” “Would you like our special Judi Dench sauce with that?” “Sure. One more thing.” “Yeah?” “Can you tell me what the hell I just ordered?” What's wrong with calling a cheeseburger a cheeseburger? Can I get a real menu please? I don't know if the Brad Pitt is going to give me gas. posted by ben | 5:44 PM | (0) comments Thursday, April 25, 2002 I miss getting up Saturday mornings, sitting down at the table, watching cartoons and eating endless bowls of sugary cereal. Now, I'm lucky if I'm out of bed before noon on Saturdays but that's okay because cartoons these days suck, I don't own a dining room table, and cereal is way too expensive. posted by ben | 10:25 AM | (0) comments Wednesday, April 24, 2002 I'm seeing a financial advisor next week. My third (I've apparently driven all of them to move). He asked me to bring, amongst other items, a copy of my 1040 for last year. Gulp. I'm not exactly certain I did my taxes correctly. You know the phrase "Good enough for government work?" Let's hope that it applies to the IRS. posted by ben | 4:26 PM | (0) comments Monday, April 22, 2002 From Time.com: [George] Lucas blames the anti-Jar Jar sentiment on "37-year-old guys who spend all their time on the Internet. But you have to remember that when we did The Empire Strikes Back, some people hated C-3PO. When we did [Return of the] Jedi, they just loathed the Ewoks. There was no Internet to jazz it up, but there was the same conversation. Fans are very opinionated, and that's good. But I can't make a movie for fans." Ah, excuse me? Then who are you making the movie for? Later, he says about Anakin Skywalker on why he became Darth Vader: "He can't let go of things. It makes you greedy. And when you're greedy, you are on the path to the dark side, because you fear you're going to lose things, that you're not going to have the power you need." Okay, so maybe he's not so full of it after all. posted by ben | 4:09 PM | (0) comments If there is a bag of bagels in a workplace or at a social event, by the end of the day all that will remain is one third of a bagel. posted by ben | 1:28 PM | (0) comments Thursday, April 18, 2002 Either I'm experiencing deja vu... ...or my co-worker is telling the same story over and over. posted by ben | 6:37 PM | (0) comments Standing at the bus stop this morning, I thought how did I get here? When a co-worker said "Good Morning!" to me today, I held my finger up to my lips and said, "Shhhh! I'm still sleeping." posted by ben | 9:36 AM | (0) comments Wednesday, April 17, 2002 Proof that my life is a contradiction in terms. In the same week I was called "a good egg" by two different people, and also likened to Woody Allen by two other different people. You don't often hear Woody Allen called a "good egg", do you? posted by ben | 11:31 AM | (0) comments I still only own one belt that I move from pants to pants. posted by ben | 11:21 AM | (0) comments Monday, April 15, 2002 Completely inappropriate knee-jerk response narrowly avoided, part 3: someone else: You need a haircut.
Friday, April 12, 2002 I had the biggest crush on Selma Blair after I saw her on the cover (er, inside cover) of Vanity Fair last month. When I heard she was going to be on Letterman one night, I stayed up to watch. She made Farrah Fawcett look like a Mensa candidate. It was unbelievable. Since then she hasn't been so attractive to me anymore. That's when I stop and think: "Hey, perhaps I'm more mature than I thought!" posted by ben | 4:48 PM | (0) comments him: Their first album was excellent, but they go downhill from there. me: Oh come on! You're just saying that to sound elitist. posted by ben | 3:45 PM | (0) comments Wednesday, April 10, 2002 If I lived everyday as if it were my last...I'd be fired from my job and put in jail. posted by ben | 4:00 PM | (0) comments Any day is made brighter by free cookies. posted by ben | 3:58 PM | (0) comments her: ...is she dating anyone? me: If dating were math, she'd be calculus. I've stopped trying to understand it. posted by ben | 8:52 AM | (0) comments Tuesday, April 09, 2002 me: ...he moved in with her, and when they broke up it got really awkward. her: You know, I'm not planning on getting married. But if I do, I'm not sure even then I'd want to live together. Ideally we'd be neighbors, and I'll call him up every once in awhile and say, "hey, wanna come over for dinner?" posted by ben | 2:17 PM | (0) comments Thursday, April 04, 2002 Regardless of popular belief, if you are the one who has eaten the last cookie from a plate, that doesn't mean that you had eaten the entire platefull of cookies. posted by ben | 3:48 PM | (0) comments Tuesday, April 02, 2002 I always look my best when no one's around. posted by ben | 10:42 AM | (0) comments The Hatfields and McCoys are at it again. The McCoys are suing the Hatfields over cemetery visiting rights (descendents of the Hatfields own a cemetery in which some of the McCoys are buried, and are denying access). The real issue? The McCoys are angry because history does not refer to their ancestors as "The McCoys and Hatfields". posted by ben | 10:00 AM | (0) comments Monday, April 01, 2002 me: What's on your menu for this evening? SA: Oh, I think I'm just going to go to bed. It's 9pm on Friday, but I'm tired. And I'm old. me: Oh, come on. Don't be silly. You're not tired. posted by ben | 2:06 PM | (0) comments |
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