Everything's Funny To Someone.
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| Write That Down Everything's Funny To Someone. |
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Wednesday, February 27, 2002 Me: He wants a seat on the upper deck of the plane. Co-worker: Why? Me: I don't know. Maybe the view is better from up there. posted by ben | 12:02 PM | (0) comments Monday, February 25, 2002 If a tavern gets demolished, could you say that the bar was razed? posted by ben | 11:42 AM | (0) comments Have you ever just quickly inhaled through your nose and your ears suddenly plug up? Why does that happen? posted by ben | 8:45 AM | (0) comments Friday, February 22, 2002 I'll occasionally upload this page half expecting there to be an update, even though I'm the only one who has access to it and I know that I haven't updated since the last time I looked at it. Still...it's like every time I watch "Army of Darkness" I wonder will Ash say the words correctly this time? posted by ben | 3:24 PM | (0) comments Wednesday, February 20, 2002 "The whole nine yards." I've never understood this expression. If you only go nine yards, you've still got one more yard to go before you get the first down. posted by ben | 2:33 PM | (0) comments Tuesday, February 19, 2002 A sticker that should be manufactured (if it isn't already): "My other computer is a Mac" posted by ben | 4:16 PM | (0) comments Overheard in the office this morning: "Did you synchronize today?" I work with superheroes. posted by ben | 8:47 AM | (0) comments Monday, February 18, 2002 Two signs I encountered in and around the theatre last night. One was on a back door: Staff only The other was on the door to the Law office adjacent to the theatre, which read: I previously had a flippand remark here about all the corpses found in (and around) the Georgia crematory. Since then, the situation has become quite gruesome and unfortunate and I realize now that what I said might have been thought to be distasteful and unneccessary. My point was to just point out the absurdity of the headline "Bodies found in Crematory" than to make light of the horrendous tragedy. If anyone was offended or put-off, my apologies. posted by ben | 12:29 PM | (0) comments So my bottom right eyelid has been twitching off and on for a couple days now. Is there any cure for this? I'd hate to inadvertently wink at someone. posted by ben | 12:13 PM | (0) comments Thursday, February 14, 2002 No matter how much I scrub and wash, my fingers still smell like lunch. posted by ben | 2:31 PM | (0) comments Wednesday, February 13, 2002 Co-worker: What are you giving up for Lent? Me: Catholicism. posted by ben | 9:21 AM | (0) comments Monday, February 11, 2002 Read this in Entertainment Weekly which was quoted from Jimmy Fallon of SNL, but I wished that I'd thought of it first. Of course, if I had, they'd still get credit for it because I don't have a nationally televised comedy show...yet (remember, this is badly transcribed because I can't remember exactly how it goes, but it's something like this): "Will Smith is renting an apartment in New York City for $18,000 a month while he's in town filming a movie. In a related story, DJ Jazzy Jeff wants to know if you're going to eat the rest of that." posted by ben | 5:00 PM | (0) comments When I hold a soda can (which is quite often), I usually stick my pinky under the can. This leads me to believe that I have one too many fingers as far as the soda can is concerned. posted by ben | 3:08 PM | (0) comments Friday, February 08, 2002 Apparently, Barbara Kingsolver's "The Poisonwood Bible" has been elected as this month's Route 358 Book-of-the-month. I must've missed the memo on that one. posted by ben | 5:00 PM | (0) comments Referring to its popularity this morning in a meeing, a co-worker said that Kona was the "hot island." "That's not something you want to refer to a Hawaiian Island as," I said. posted by ben | 3:54 PM | (0) comments I used to like Schwarzenegger, but when I heard that he demanded something like $12,000 to do the commentary on the Total Recall DVD, thereby potentially raising the standard of payment for DVD extras, making them too expensive to produce and subsequently leading to the elimination of such extras, well I just don't like Schwarzenegger anymore. I guess I'm just jealous because I don't get paid 12 large to do movie commentary. I just get "shushed" and kicked out of the theater. posted by ben | 8:25 AM | (0) comments Thursday, February 07, 2002 A co-worker of mine told me that I crack open a new soda at 3pm each day. I was unaware of this regularity. But now I'm too aware. posted by ben | 3:44 PM | (0) comments "Good Morning" is an oxymoron. posted by ben | 12:52 PM | (0) comments I was watching television and a commercial came on advertising some sort of food processor, which - and they stressed this immensely - was not sold in stores. At the end, they said that you could call within the next 18 minutes and get two for the the low, low price of $19.99, (plus tax and shipping and handling) - all a $60 value. If you can't buy it anywhere else, how is it a $60 value? posted by ben | 9:41 AM | (0) comments Wednesday, February 06, 2002 It's Music by Ben's Friends today here at work. I've listened to John Ackermann, Rick Miller, Mike Doughty (okay, so he's not a friend of mine, but I did meet him once), Paul Gude, and my uncle's band, The Moment. posted by ben | 2:58 PM | (0) comments Tuesday, February 05, 2002 Proof that we live in an unfair universe: I bought a scarf a couple months ago and accidentally shrunk it after I washed it. It's still hanging in my closet. I bought another scarf last Tuesday - a nifty black and grey patterned one - which I promptly left in the cinemas after a movie that Friday. We live in an unfair universe. Update: I found the scarf. Turns out I had not left it at the movies, but in the office. I saw it draped across a chair last night and started telling the story about how I had lost one that looked just like that one last month. "This has been here for about a month," one says. "Is this yours?" So it's mine once again. Maybe the universe isn't so unfair after all, but just a schoolyard bully stealing my things but giving them back at the end of recess. posted by ben | 2:23 PM | (0) comments Tim Eyman, the watch seller who has headed many of Washington State's most controvercial initiative campaigns, has admitted to pocketing at least $45,000 from past initiative campaigns (after days of denial) and proclaimed that he had planned to pocket even more money in future campaigns. When asked for a statement, Eyman said, "I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!" posted by ben | 1:58 PM | (0) comments Saturday, February 02, 2002 Why do the baristas have to make little artistic designs in the foam of my latte? I feel bad about putting a lid on it and drinking it. I might as well be thowing gasoline on a fresh painting and lighting it while the artist is forced to watch. posted by ben | 4:56 PM | (0) comments Most think that this country survives on credit, but take away the coffee and we'll all be deafened by the squealing brakes. posted by ben | 4:37 PM | (0) comments |
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