Everything's Funny To Someone.
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Thursday, November 29, 2001 Driving down Broadway with friends, we notice an alternachick sucking on an adult-size pacifier. "She's sucking on a pacifier!" says one incredulously. "Yeah, that trend is so ten years ago," says the other. "It is for her," I say. posted by ben | 1:13 PM | (0) comments Wednesday, November 28, 2001 ...it's that same feeling I get when I accidentally catch someone's eye then turn away because I don' t want them thinking I was staring at them. I wasn't. I was just looking around. But they were looking at me too. Probably quite by accident as well. I happened to be in the way of their visual field. Are they still looking at me? Now I have to know. Now I am staring. It's everything I can do to not look at them now. posted by ben | 11:06 AM | (0) comments Monday, November 26, 2001 Last weekend I mistakenly bought the same deodorant that I used in college. That should explain my urge to throw a party and neglect my homework. posted by ben | 1:03 PM | (0) comments Tuesday, November 20, 2001 We have a new VP in our department, and as I was walking by his office he called me in. "Yes, sir?" I say. "Please, don't call me 'sir'." he says. Friendly guy. "Yes, ma'am?" I bleat. D'oh! posted by ben | 3:21 PM | (0) comments Monday, November 19, 2001 For Halloween I got a box of "spooky" Nerds. Most people would think that the spookyness comes from the orange and black colors of the candies, but the real spookyness lies on the outside of the box: An enlarged description of the ingredients and nutritional facts. posted by ben | 2:40 PM | (0) comments Friday, November 16, 2001 Greg Nickels, Seattle's newest mayor, told reporters at a press conference after his victory was announced, "It was a marathon that turned into a seven-week sprint that went into extra innings." Exactly what sport is he referring to? posted by ben | 3:20 PM | (0) comments Wednesday, November 14, 2001 A 37 year old Everett second grade teacher is charged with raping two 14 year old boys, and as a punishment for violating a parole order must have either her mother-in-law or father-in-law chaparone her whenever she leaves the house. What a bum deal for the in-laws. posted by ben | 3:55 PM | (0) comments Today's fortunately unfortunate ironic story: In Kennett Square, PA, a barroom shooting resulted in a woman getting shot in the eye. The fortunate part? She lived. The unfortunately ironic part? Her other eye was a glass eye. Intelligent quote of the story: "If she loses this eye, she'll be completely blind!" Also today, the Oregon Stream Enrichment Program plans to drop 14,000 salmon carcasses into Oregon streams. This helps juvenile salmon by enriching the nutrients and allowing for a longer, more fulfilling salmon life. If they avoid getting hit by falling fish carcasses, that is. posted by ben | 9:28 AM | (0) comments Thursday, November 08, 2001 Mary said this today during a break in training: "Texas is really big. Takes you ten years to leave." posted by ben | 4:49 PM | (0) comments Wednesday, November 07, 2001 The largest fossil cockroach was found in an Ohio mine called "the 7-11 mine". Write your own joke. posted by ben | 2:54 PM | (0) comments It's never a good thing to walk into the office and one of my co-workers yells to my boss, "I've found him!" posted by ben | 12:46 PM | (0) comments Tuesday, November 06, 2001 Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig says he is going to disband two teams before the start of next season, however he hasn't decided which ones yet. My vote's for the New York Yankees and the Atlanta Braves. I'm tired of one or both of these teams being in the World Series every freakin' year. posted by ben | 5:11 PM | (0) comments I was challenged by a co-worker to guess her age recently. I hate this. If I guess too old, she'll get angry. If I guess too young, she'll know I'm lying. And if I guess just right, she'll get upset that I didn't think she was younger. As far as I'm concerned, every woman who ever lived is 28. posted by ben | 9:49 AM | (0) comments The first few posts of this site are lost forever to the digital whirlpools...but that's alright. All I talked about were sour grapes anyway. posted by ben | 9:23 AM | (0) comments Monday, November 05, 2001 During a recent horrific event in Seattle, a man was shot and stuffed into the trunk of a car during broad daylight. A witness called police who eventually pulled the car over, discovered the body, and arrested the two suspects. Getting pulled over is bad enough, but getting pulled over and hoping the police don't find the body in the trunk has got to be stressful. posted by ben | 9:44 AM | (0) comments Saturday, November 03, 2001 A recent article says that a U.S. chopper carrying Special Forces crash landed in Afghanistan due to bad weather. I'd rather they were shot down by the Taliban. That's easier to swallow than knowing that our pilots can't fly in the rain. posted by ben | 8:37 PM | (0) comments Thursday, November 01, 2001 Stephanie: You don't let on in public how intelligent you really are. Me: That's just so I can avoid conversation. posted by ben | 9:53 AM | (0) comments |
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