Everything's Funny To Someone.
|
|
| Write That Down Everything's Funny To Someone. |
|
|
Monday, October 29, 2001 Obscenely misquoted from the latest Entertainment Weekly (but I thought it was funny): Daylight Savings Time. There's nothing like watching the sun set... ...from your desk in the office at 4:30pm. posted by ben | 5:01 PM | (0) comments Friday, October 26, 2001 I like Texas, but I don't think I could live there. There's just something wrong with getting up in the morning, showering, then slopping on the sunblock. posted by ben | 9:03 AM | (0) comments Wednesday, October 24, 2001 A friend of mine (who is an ordained minister, Church of Universal Light or something like that - unbeknownst to me at the time anyway) once told me he was flying to Minnesota to marry his brother. "That legal in Minnesota?" I ask. posted by ben | 2:59 PM | (0) comments Tuesday, October 23, 2001 I told Nath I'd come see his show on opening night. "It's $50 on opening," he says. "Fifty bucks?! What the-? Who do you think you are, the Rep?" "It's $25 after that," he tells me. "I can't believe you get people to pay you fifty bucks to see your show," I say as I hand over $3.50 for coffee without blinking. posted by ben | 12:55 PM | (0) comments I'm not afraid of heights. I am, however, deathly afraid of falling. posted by ben | 12:34 PM | (0) comments Monday, October 22, 2001 Stephen: Your site is a misanthropic malapropism for the office. Don't you agree? Me: Well, I'll tell you - once I'm able to go home and look up what that means. posted by ben | 10:26 AM | (0) comments Thursday, October 18, 2001 Optimists often say "Life is short." Doesn't this seem backwards? posted by ben | 3:42 PM | (0) comments Just read an article about how one guy thinks it's horrible to have a statue of Vladimir Lenin in Fremont, WA. As the communist leader of the Soviet Union, Lenin was responsible for the death of about "50 to 100 million people worldwide in labor camps, mass executions and midnight raids by secret police. At least, that's what the estimates are." Bill Stainton had a good point: Put an ATM in the statue, which would realize Lenin's worst fear of having Capitalism coming out of his ass. posted by ben | 10:06 AM | (0) comments I spend too much time thinking about useless things. Last night I spent about fifteen minutes mulling this over: If we abbreviate "do not" to "don't", how come we don't abbreviate "not ever" as "n'ever"? posted by ben | 9:49 AM | (0) comments Wednesday, October 17, 2001 Proof that money and fame makes people obnoxious: Celebrities on game shows. posted by ben | 9:43 AM | (0) comments Tuesday, October 16, 2001 Last night, Heather said this: "This Saturday is the one day that I freaky have free." It's like she was internally commenting on what she was saying, while she was saying it, and it somehow made it into the sentence. Refreshing to know that I'm not the only one who does this. posted by ben | 10:03 AM | (0) comments Monday, October 15, 2001 Forbidden from Japanese Theatre: Noh-no. I can't take credit for this one, but I forgot who said it. posted by ben | 3:41 PM | (0) comments Imagine a train going into a tunnel (or if you're from Seattle: a bus). What would your psychology professor tell you about what that means? That's right. I, on the other hand, have a slightly different interpretation: "I'm going to lose my cell phone reception." posted by ben | 2:27 PM | (0) comments Wednesday, October 10, 2001 I've always found it funny that there were rules to war, and that someone could be convicted of war crimes. "Okay guys, we're going to basically try to annihilate the enemy, cause massive damage, and kill every one we can, but let's be civil about it, eh?" Again, an issue in which I'm blissfully uninformed. posted by ben | 10:05 AM | (0) comments Tuesday, October 09, 2001 The song "God Bless America." I'm not a big fan of it myself, but couldn't they have found a better word to rhyme with "home" than "foam"? posted by ben | 1:18 PM | (0) comments In the office (comedy abounds in the corporate world): Jodes was filling in an on-line form about what she does as her occupation. She was getting a little frustrated with it. "Ugh, this is so stupid," she says, "I can't even type 'independent'." I ask, "Do you need someone to do it for you?" "That's enough out of you," she says. I hear that phrase a lot. posted by ben | 10:34 AM | (0) comments Monday, October 08, 2001 Overheard in the office: "When I was in college, I didn't have a summer job and I was planning on moving back home. I called up my mom and said, 'Mom, I don't have a summer job, so I'm going to come back to the Pallouse and get a job there.' Mom said, 'Kurt, we're very happy. How much would it take for you to stay in Boise for the summer?' So they sent me $2000 a month and I stayed in Boise. Had the time of my life." Oh to be the unwanted son of a wealthy Cougar. posted by ben | 4:59 PM | (0) comments This is old news, but everyone knows that Will Rogers died in an airplane crash (and subsequently got an airport named after him). What is not widely known is that the pilot, Wiley Post, lost his left eye in an oil field accident. Will should have known better than to get in an airplane with a pilot who has no depth perception. posted by ben | 1:40 PM | (0) comments Here's a product that should be invented (if it already hasn't been, that is - I'm not going to pretend to be in the loop about these things): A cologne or perfume that removes all scent, so one emits no odor at all. White noise for the nose if you will. Call it Bruit Blanc, or some such French name. I think it would work, and I'd be the first one to buy it. Not for myself (well, I'd certainly give it a try) but for others whose odor, whether natural or artificial, is so overpowering you can smell them from a moving car. posted by ben | 1:13 PM | (0) comments I was carrying a box of CDs out to the car. Scot saw and said, "Taking Grandma's ashes out?" I looked at him, at the box, at him, "I wish they were ashes. Ashes wouldn't smell so bad." posted by ben | 10:21 AM | (0) comments At the company meeting: They've adopted my "Noh and Tell" as the official name of Val's presentation. "So, Val, you're going to show us the Noh way, huh?" Groans. "You're going to give us the Noh how." More groans. It's a sickness. posted by ben | 9:45 AM | (0) comments Friday, October 05, 2001 From awhile back: Some gals at work were looking over buffet items for a company function. One of them says, "Decorated salmon? What the hell is decorated salmon?" I pop my head up over the cube wall, "Salmon that has served in the war." posted by ben | 5:01 PM | (0) comments This made me laugh, from James Lileks: "It was adopt a dog day [at the pet store] and I had to be restrained from taking home several dozen dogs. It's like open house day at the orphanage - the difference being, of course, they don't gas the children if no one adopts them." posted by ben | 12:28 PM | (0) comments Got a call from Sonya one Saturday morning: Sonya: What are you doing? Me: Sitting on my bed drinking coffee. Sonya: Want to meet me downtown for coffee. Me: Okay. Only in Seattle. posted by ben | 11:44 AM | (0) comments Annex staff meeting, Monday October 1st: Valerie was discussing her upcoming Japanese Noh theatre presentation. I called it "Noh and Tell." Heather liked that. posted by ben | 11:21 AM | (0) comments |
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
||||
|
|||||